Lacrymosa: The Waterlogged Heart
by Pink Ribbon Scars
Summary: It was heavy, waterlogged from the near constant tears shed from his departure. The accrused thing needed to come out and back into the hands of the one it longed for. Edward. ExB. Vamp. Angst. A little OOC. Cannon pairings. First fanfic please be nice.
1. Prologue

Hey guys this is my first fanfiction story and I'm really nervous. This idea came to me as I was sitting in my Media Writing class and I just HAD to get it out. I'm not fully sure where this story will take me so I'm just as clueless as you guys are right now. Haha. I know that this is set in New Moon after Edward leaves Bella and it will show you a look into how I thought she would take the absence and also how he would. It is rated M for sexual content (coming in later chapters), language, disturbing images, drug use, language, and some violence. As I said this is my first fanfiction so bear with me please! Reviews are my fuel so I'm telling you i appreciate them now. Thanks for reading!

**Authors Note: **I do **NOT** own any of these characters. All credit goes to SM, to whom I owe my LIFE to now and also whom I want to thank with all my heart for blessing me with Edward. (drools..) NOW! Onward!

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Out on your own

cold and alone again

can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me

set your guilt free

nothing can hold you back now

**--_Lacrymosa, _Evanescence**

**| Prologue**

Dreaming, something that most people have no problem with, for me was a living nightmare. I didn't dream about failing tests, dying, or zombies. No. My dreams were much worse and more vivid than one person can handle. I pictured the man that I loved the most. I pictured myself lying in his arms in the middle of his special place, the snow falling lightly over our faces, and his beautiful smile. His lips caressing my jaw line as he hummed my lullaby in his luscious velvety voice. These were the dreams I ran from. The one that stalked me every night and constantly reminded me of his departure.

The man in my dream smiled at me. A smile of thousand sunshine's. A smile I would gladly rip my heart out with my bare hand just to actually see again.

_"I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here,"_ he whispered into my hair, his lips brushing lightly against my ear causing an involuntary shiver from the pure pleasure it sent through my spine.

Despite the fact that I knew I was dreaming and that this memory would soon fade leaving me in the darkness, I smiled. My heart throbbed in my chest and tears stung the back of my eyes.

"Edward," I whispered looking up at him again. His smile was relaxed and content. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath letting my scent envelop him.

"Bella."

I furrowed my brows at him. The voice was not his. It sounded distant as if someone in the real world was calling me, beckoning me to come back into the darkness that I now called my life. A moonless night. Because the man who now has me in his arms took it with him. Along with the stars, oxygen, hope, love. He left me with despair and this heavy organ called a heart. It called to him and as the days passed grew heavier and heavier, waterlogged with the tears that I cried for him.

"Edward," I whimpered, reaching out to touch his face only to find that my hand flew right through it. He was an apparition, an illusion made by my sick mind to keep me alive. "Edward!" it came out as a scream and pain flitted across his face almost too fast for me to comprehend. Then it was unbelievably smooth, sheet rock over bones. My stomach cringed. I had seen this face before. "Edward," I whispered barely audible.

"Bella he isn't coming back for you." Edward's lips moved but the voice was again not his but sounded very familiar. "He's been gone for months Bella. Forget him because he has forgotten you." I shook my head violently leaning away from the incorporeal being.

"No." I whispered. His face hardened, anger seeping into his veins causing his eyes to harden, topaz marbles set into his porcelain face. He was beautiful.

"Bella, stop this," the imposter voice slipped through his tight lips.

"No," I said a lot louder than I meant too. He opened his mouth to speak and I threw my hands up, the limbs moving involuntarily. "NO!" I screamed and before I knew it trees were whipping past my face and my chest was tight with the lack of air to my lungs. I was running, running faster than I had ever in my life. I needed to get away from him. I knew the attempt was feeble, as he could catch up to me whenever he wanted, but I couldn't stop my legs, they had a mind of their own.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" The words were ripping themselves from my throat leaving it raw and inflamed.

"Bella!" the loud voice came from behind me. My feet ran faster, my eyes clenched shut, fists tightened to the point of drawing blood. And then I was engulfed by a bright blinding light. I halted my movement altogether. "Bella," the voice sighed as hot streams ran down my cheeks.

My eyes popped open and there was Charlie. It was indeed a dream, but I knew this. I had let myself get carried away again. I darted my eyes around the dark room. I was in the hospital, again. My chest stung and I cringed.

"Does it hurt again? Do you want me to call the nurse?" Charlie asked with a concerned voice. I bought my hand up to my chest and rubbed the gauze. Dammit, I still wasn't successful. This damn thing had to come out of my chest. If it did then the nightmares would stop, his face wouldn't haunt me, and I can give him the one thing that he left behind. I ran my hand over the gauze over and over, wincing when I would rub too hard but relatively enjoying the pain. "Bella?" Charlie's voice whipped me out of my stupor. What had he asked me?

"What did you say?"I croaked, my voice thick with sleep.

"Would you like me to call the nurse?" He asked his voice tight. I looked into his face for a few moments and shook my head a little too hard.

"No," I cleared my throat and sat up a little. "That won't be necessary dad but thanks. " I gave him my best smile which probably didn't come out the way I had wanted. He didn't buy it.

"Bells if you're in pain then you should let m-"

"I said I'm fine dad I just need to use the bathroom and maybe a sip of water." I cut him off. He stared at me for a minute and I fidgeted under his gaze. "Really dad," I said in a soothing voice running my palm over his tense hand that was grasping the iron bar of my bed. "I do need a drink of water though. Can you get me some?" His eye narrowed and then he reluctantly nodded and got up from the bed.

I waited until I heard the low buzz of his voice and the nurse's until I jumped out the bed and ran into the bathroom. Once in I locked the door and whirled around to look into the mirror. My face had a huge gash on the side and my lip was slightly swollen. I smiled at my handy work. My eyes slowly ran down to my neck taking in the clawed areas on it and my collar bone. Finally they rested on my chest which was heavily wrapped in gauze speckled with blood. My smile intensified. I had gotten much farther this time with my process. Soon the accursed thing would be out of my chest and into a box mailed to a Mr. Cullen.

I pictured his face as he open the it and saw the freeze dried organ with his name etched into it. It was sick but it was the only thing I could do to show him how sorry I was for wasting so much of his time that he could have been out getting "distracted" by other things. I wanted to let him know my death would be his consolation gift from me and that my heart belong to him always all at the same time.

"Perfect" I muttered to myself. My fingers were subconsciously picking at the edge of the wrapping at the corner of my chest trying to see my masterpiece. Slowly I pulled at it until it gave and started to detach itself from my skin. I sighed at the pain, wallowing it deservingly. I pulled back the edge and started at the bloody mar beneath it. It was beautifully disfigured, much like my soul. Sighing I gently ran my fingertips over it my smile becoming more radiant. Next time I would be successful.

"Bella?" I jumped.

"Oh crap!" I whispered pushing the gauze back down hissing at the pain of the air whooshing to the unhealed mark. Charlie's footstep grew louder as he made his way to the bathroom door.

"Bella? What are you doing?" His voice was on edge, he was greatly afraid. I didn't answer as I continued to push on the gauze and hiss. "Bella!" He said a little louder, panic evident in his voice as he firmly grabbed the door knob. "Open this door right now Isabella Swan or so help me I will break it down. " He jiggled the doorknob and my eyes snapped towards it. I smooth my shirt out and grabbed the handle as well, slowly unlocking and opening it.

"Jeez dad can I flush the toilet and wash my hands?" I scowled at him and turned my back to flush the toilet. He didn't move or breathe as his eyes racked over my body to find any new damage. I rolled my eyes and turned on the faucet. "I am injured dad it takes me a bit longer to maneuver around."

He sighed. "That's no ones fault but your own," he whispered dropping his head and turning around to sit my water on the table beside my bed.

"I know dad thanks for reminding me." I returned to the bed and got in. Charlie poured me a glass of water and gave it to me.

"Drink." He demanded and watched as my shaky hands bought the cup to my lips. The morphine was starting to have that effect on me. Charlie pulled my hand into his and my eyes immediately darted around the room to look at everything but his face. "Bella, please sweetie." I turned my face slowly to his, my eyes closed. "Bella, open them." I did what he asked but stared at our joined hands. He sighed giving into the fact that he wasn't going to win the looking battle.

"Bella, it's been four months sweetie." I squinted my eyes. _Only four? _I said in my mind. _It has felt like an eternity..or two. _Charlie sighed heavily again and his voice became much more stern."They left four months ago Bella. Edward is-"

I snatched my hand back from him and adverted his gaze looking towards the wall. He had crossed the line and he knew it.

"Stop it." I said calmly.

"No. You need to hear this." He paused waiting for my rebuttal. "Edward Cullen is not coming back. He and his family left and whether or not you're the reason..."

His voice droned on and on but I tuned him out by reciting the Spanish alphabet backwards in my head. He was right, I knew this but there was no need for him to say it. I didn't want to hear it out loud from someone. I couldn't take it. Hot tears flowed down my face and I snap my head back to him my eyes livid.

"SHUTUP CHARLIE!" I screamed before I'd even thought about it. His expression was twisted with pain, hurt, and anger. I shot out of bed and ran into the bathroom locking it again.

"BELLA!" I heard him scream through the pounding on the door. " COME OUT HERE AT ONCE!"

I shook my head and slumped to the ground grabbing my ears hard. He wasn't coming back for me. He didn't want me? Why should he? Who was I? I caused him so much pain. He should hate me. He DOES hate me. I started to scream and bang my head on the toilet seat behind me too distracted to notice the pain that shot through my head. Everything around me grew hazy as I heard Charlie yell for the nurse and then..everything went black.

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Well? What do you think? Reviews are fuel!

**-Pink Ribbon Scars**


	2. The Return

So here is chapter 1. I didn't receive any reviews so I was going to give up this story when I asked a betareader to review it and she told me to try updating it. So here is my attempt. Thank you Batsu Simisu-Chan.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own any characters or settings in this story. I'm just using them for my own pleasures. SM is the only owner and sometimes I find myself wishing to just wander in her mind to see what its like. *sigh* oh well, here goes.

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**Chapter 1| The Return**

I had stayed in the hospital for about a week after I had awoken and had been on my best behavior. I ate when I was supposed to, slept when I was told to, trying not to let my dreams overtake me anymore, and I even held decent conversations with Charlie. Now, it was time to go back home. Back to the room that held all of the memories of a time when life wasn't so difficult. I didn't know how I was going to react once I got there but I told myself that I wouldn't let my emotions show. I had to be calm if I wanted my plan to be successful.

"Excited to go back home Bells?" Charlie's voice stole my attention form what he thought was the partially open window. I turned to him slowly, thinking about whether or not to answer the question truthfully.

"Yes," I lied. "I kind of miss my soft bed. Hospital beds can be ridiculously uncomfortable," I grimaced at the memory. At least some of what I said was the truth.

He glanced at me then, his eyes careful. "Well you know you don't have to go back there." His voice was barely audible that, at first, I wasn't sure if he had actually spoken. I whipped my head back to the window trying to avoid the conversation. Charlie really didn't deserve all that I put him through. My stomach tightened with guilt and I swallowed hard. "Bella I'm….worried about you."

"I know dad," was all I could say. I wanted to apologize for the past four and a half months of hell I had put him through but I couldn't. The truth was that, while I was sorry for the emotional pain it had caused him, I couldn't bring myself to be sorry for doing this. It was something that I needed to do for myself…and for.. Damnit! I couldn't think of his name while being so close to Charlie. I wouldn't let him see the effects that his dereliction still had on me. But the memories bubbled to the surface and tears stung the back of my eyes. The wound in my chest throbbed and my hand reflexively shot up to clench my shirt above the mar and I hissed quietly in pain.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice rose in panic as his eyes darted between my clenched fist and the road. "Bella are you alright? I'm going to pick up the pain medication as soon as I can."

"I'm fine dad, it was just the wind," I'd lied smoothing while hitting the "window up" button with my other hand. It took all my strength to calm myself enough to remove my fist from my chest and give him a tiny grin. "See, all better." He didn't look persuaded. His fists tightened on the steering wheel and the car started to accelerate faster. I sighed. "Dad," I started, "the pain was only because of the wind. The pharmacy will be open 'til six and its only four. We'll get there in time."

"Bella you need help," he said dryly. _Uht-oh. _My brain shouted. _This is not good._

"Help as in what?" I asked my voice shaking.

"Help as in psychiatric help, Bella," he said through clenched teeth. Blood-boiled under my veins and my heart hammered so loudly I was sure he could hear it. How _**dare**_ he? I wasn't some wack job! He couldn't send me to some crazy house where they would poke me with needles, run tests, and inevitably lock me up forever. I didn't turn to look at him, I couldn't. Instead I fumed in my seat, glaring out the window at the setting sun. I couldn't let my emotions get the better of me. He might really consider sending me there if I blew up.

"Bella, sweetie, I'm only doing this for you," his voice was dripping with concern. Concern that only fueled my anger more. My vision blurred as hot tears I didn't even know were forming fell down my face. I bit my lip hard trying to control myself from erupting in anger. "It's just that you've been so sad that it doesn't even seem like your living anymore but rather just…existing." He paused to hear my rebuttal but continued when he was sure there wasn't one. "At the hospital you were like a robot. Eating when instructed to. Sleeping so stoically that, if it weren't for the heart monitor, I wouldn't even know if you were alive. It's… frightening Bella."

"I thought that's what you wanted," my voice filled with more malice than I'd meant for it to have. "A normal daughter."

"Bella what you were doing, what you _are_ doing is anything but normal." He said pulling into the drive way. I grabbed the door handle and flung it open as I stormed out of the car. I didn't need this. Not if I wanted my plan to work. I slammed the door behind me and made my way to the house. "Bella!" he yelled at me closing his own door and running to catch up to me.

"Dad I do NOT want to go to see a psychiatrist!" I yelled whirling around to face him as he stood in the doorway. His face looked hurt again and I clenched my eyes together willing myself to calm down. "Dad, please," I whispered, "let me do this on my own and I promise that if this doesn't work then I will go…get help" I sighed the last words opening my eyes to see that his facial expression had softened slightly. "Dad I'm trying to get through this. I am-"

"I know you are sweetie," he cooed at me. "I'm just afraid that if I don't try to help you that…I might lose you." My heart dropped as tears brimmed my eyes. "I've already lost your mother," his voice broke and he trailed off.

"I know dad," I walked closer to him. I wanted so badly to just thrown my arms around him but I knew that it would only give him false hope. I shoved my hands into my pockets to fight the urge. "It'll get better. Just…give me sometime." I shrugged looking at my shows to advert his gaze.

He nodded and ran his hands through his hair. "Well, I'm going to go get your medicine and stop at my office to take care of some paper work quickly. Will you be fine or do you want to come with me?" His eyes glinted with suspicion.

"I'll behave I promise." This wasn't a lie. My next attempt would be successful but I wasn't planning anything tonight. Well, not anything physical anyway. I looked up at him a smile playing on my lips. "I'll make us some dinner. How's spaghetti sound?"

He smiled despite himself. "That sounds great Bells. I've missed your cooking. Hospital food was just….well…rotten." I chuckled and so did he. We sat there for a moment relishing in the feeling of a light subject, something that seem to be very rare in the Swan house as of late. "Well, I'll let you get started then." He turned and left.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen not ready to face my room yet. I pulled out the ground beef and vegetable oil along with some spices and started to absentmindedly prepare dinner. After the beef was browned and sitting in the tomato sauce and the noodles were boiling I had mustered up the courage to go to my room. I needed to use my computer after all to put my plans into affect.

As I ascended the stairs my heartbeat started to pick up and my breathing turned labored. I was scared. What if I couldn't control my emotions? What if the memories flooded back too fast for me to catch myself? No, I had to do this. I stood outside my door taking deep breathes and preparing myself for this. Taking one last breath and exhaling loudly I grasped my door handle and walked in.

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So that's it guys. Please I'm begging you if you read this story **PLEASE REVIEW! **Even if its just to say what you don't like (don't be extremely mean though) give me SOME kind of feedback. The next chapter will be much longer and I might even throw in some of what Edward's up to but please I NEED feedback! Thank you so much.

_**-Pink Ribbon Scars.**_


	3. Reining It Back In

I would like to start by say that I am NOT giving up this story. I did get two review but this isn't the reason why I'm not. It has come to my attention that people are indeed reading the story but just not reviewing. Fair enough. If it at least gets readers then that's good enough for me. So I would like to say thank you all who added this story to their favorite or story alert list. Thank you from the bottom of my soul.

Lastly, I wanted to say that this story has become a little more OOC for Bella then I wanted. Not to worry though because it's about to tone down, I think haha. Right now she has a mind of her own inside my mind…er…did that make sense? Anyway, ONWARD!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters, settings, or apparently emotions in this story. It's just an idea that has been bumping around too loudly in my mind that I had to set free. I make no money what so ever and would like to thank Ms. Meyer for plaguing me with said thoughts lol. (No, really, thanks!)Words in both bold _**and**_ italics are from Twilight and New Moon. I, again, don't own.

**Chapter 2| Reining It Back In**

_Taking one last breath and exhaling loudly, I grasped my door handle and walked in._

The feeling that swept over me when I entered was something that I was expecting, but certainly not ready for. Memory after memory poured back into my mind making it hard to concentrate on anything but the wound that now stung loudly on my chest.

"_**It makes me…anxious…to be away from you"**_

"_**Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?"**_

"_**I told you- you don't see yourself clearly at all. Your not like anyone I've known at all. You fascinate me."**_

I gripped my chest and backed into the wall, tears cascaded down my cheeks and I shook my head violently to try to stop the images and words from flooding my senses. I could almost see his perfect face. Almost feel his cold stone-like flesh, taste the sweetness of his breath as it washed over my face, here the musical tone in his voice, see the curiosity in his eyes.

"No," I breathed.

"_**Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"**_

I shook my head again backing up into the wall. My breathing was erratic as I let his euphonious voice fill my head. These memories were the ones I cherished most but tried so hard not to think of. It just made the loneliness all the more complicated.

"_**I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I wont come back for you. I wont put you through this anything like this again."**_

I cried harder, fisting my shirt tighter, my vision rapidly becoming more and more blurry from the overflow of tears.

"God, please no!" I chocked out. "Anything but this again."

"_**You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me."**_

"No!" I shouted. "Your not an interference. You're my life. Please…" I chocked on the words as they came out in a rush. I didn't want to hear his next words. The sentence that changed my life forever.

"_**It'll be as though I never existed."**_

Then suddenly my tears stopped. It wasn't until the vociferous noise ricocheted off the walls and windows back to my ears that I realized that I was screaming. I closed my mouth immediately, trying to stifle the pain and calm down. So, there I sat on the ground breathing hard, my hand clamped tightly to my mouth willing myself to calm down. _He's gone, he's gone, he's gone he's gone. _I repeated in my head like a mantra.

As soon as I was sure that I was calm enough, I stood up and immediately smelled something burning. Tilting my head to the side I sniffed again making sure I wasn't going insane. _Funny I don't remember….HOLY COW THE FOOD!_ I sprinted from the room to the kitchen. When I left I could've sworn I heard a diminutive voice say, _**"Be Safe."**_

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The wind swirled around my still form and caressed my skin like a soft blanket. Looking out onto the never ending white that stretched around me ,I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, looking for prey. My nose immediately found a black bear and my muscles coiled to spring. Within seconds I had found the middle-sized bear and drained it dry. Here I had let my wild predator side take over more. I was in a fairly deserted area of Alaska so I had not to worry about any humans coming into my olfactory sense. I could be alone with my thoughts. Alone to dream about things I knew now had become impossible. _But that's why they call them dreams after all right? _I thought, shaking my head at the irony of me dreaming, and walking away from the lifeless beast that would soon become food for maggots.

There was no way I could return to her now. It had been four and a half months. _Four. And. A. Half. _I thought the words slowly, deliberately, letting the thought bring on a new wave of guilt, desperation,……….loneliness. _135 days, 13 hours, 4 minutes, and 29 seconds. _That's how long it had been since the last time I had seen my brown-eyed beauty. I had been counting the time since I turned my back on her that caliginous day in the forest. Every passing moment my self-loathing grew and only thoughts of how it was best for her seemed to calm me. But was it? I longed to see her with ever fiber of my being. I wanted to touch her creamy ivory skin, run my fingers through her mahogany locks, smell her intoxicating scent. The very thought of her scent made my head swim with dizziness and my mouth pool with venom. The blood of the bear no longer satisfied the burning in my throat. It flared up so high that I was sure the skin incasing my throat was now char and ash. I couldn't see her now even if I wanted to, and boy did I. I hadn't even smelled her scent yet and it had still had these effects on me. No. I would get no where near Bella Swan.

"Bella," I breathed, my voice laced with despair. I couldn't help the sudden questions that ripped themselves from the cage in the back of my mind. Did she feel the same way too? I let my thoughts wander to a happy place. A place where Bella was just as lonely as I was. Where she called after me every night and cried for me just like I longed to do for her if only I had the ability.

_Masochistic! _The lover in my mind yelled at me. _Why would you want that for Bella? She deserves to be happy. She deserves you! _No, I did not make Bella happy. I only brought pain and suffering to her life when I was around. She was better off without me. My shoulders shook with dry sobs and I my legs grew heavy. The next thing I knew my knees were covered in snow and I was my thoughts became hazy.

"BELLA!" The scream echoed through the air for, what felt like, an eternity.

"Edward…" The voice, all too familiar, called out to me from a short distance. I closed my eyes tightly and bought my hand up to pinch the bridge between my nose. How the hell did that pixie find me all the way out here?

"Alice." It came out like a hiss. I had told her to leave me be. Let me wallow in my own guilt and to NOT bother me unless it was something important. I would wait out the duration of Bella's life and then end mine shortly there after. Bella's death was the only thing that I dreaded and waited for. My life was nothing without her existence.

Then it hit me like a brick and my head shot up. Why else would Alice be here? Had Bella died? It had only been four and half months that couldn't be! But we were talking about Isabella Marie Swan here. As I had said before her number was up when I had met her in biology class not too long ago and she **was **a magnet for trouble…Had she? NO!

"Alice!" my voice was urgent, quivering…afraid.

"Relax Edward she isn't dead nor is she going to die." My breath came out in a rush. Why was I even holding my breath in the first place? I swallowed hard and then stood and turned to face her. She was wearing a long black trench coat and high leather boots. I sighed, as much as I told her to stay away from me I must admit it was nice to see her. Something, however, was wrong. I noticed the musical undertone in her voice was replaced by something else. Something I had never heard from Alice since she'd learned I was going to leave Bella. Foreboding. She was here to warn me of something.

I immediately started to shuffle through her thoughts to find that she was blocking them from me, listing the elements of periodic table over and over, forward and backward. Something was wrong indeed.

"What is it Alice?" My voice was shaking, this could not be good.

"Edward," she started her voice strained, "you need to return to Forks." My eyes widened in fear.

"Is something wrong with Bella?" She shook her head slowly. I thought for a minute. Was something wrong with Carlisle? Esme or the others?

"The others?" my voice echoed the one in my head. She shook her head again. I once again tried to listen to her thoughts to find that she was reciting the phonetic Japanese vocabulary. An involuntary growl escaped my lips. What was she hiding. I tried to rein back my anger, to stay collected.

"Then what is it? What else could be so important that you would come all this way to tell me? Why are you hiding your thoughts?" My voice was taut.

"Bella is fine…right now." She looked down at her feet. _Right now? _I thought. She was choosing her next words wisely. "But if you don't return," her gaze met mine and I saw horror in her eyes, "I fear she wont be." Suddenly her thoughts flickered and I saw something that nearly was my undoing.

_Bella's face twisted with an awful mixture of pain and happiness. Blood covering her shirt and pants as her hand clawed at a massive wound where her heart was. _

The vision was ripped from my eyes as Alice return to her mantra. My eyes widened and I started at Alice's now blank face. What was going on? Why was Bella doing this to herself? Was she going crazy? Did Charlie know? Was anyone trying to stop her?

"You need to come back to Forks before she succeeds in what she's planning." Alice's voice was almost robotic. She, too, was trying to compose herself.

"How long has she…?" I chocked out not breathing, moving, nor blinking.

"This will be her fourth attempt," she stated blankly.

"Fourth!?!" That knocked me out my stupor. "You mean to tell me she has done this more than once and no one has stopped her?" I was livid. Did Charlie not care about her?

"Charlie is doing everything in his power to stop her but Bella is being…difficult." She said as though she was the one who could read thoughts.

I started to pace the ground, running my fingers through my wind strewn hair. This was impossible. Normal people don't do things like this. Suicide always came in the form of cutting or maybe drugs, but to gouge ones heart out with you bear hands was something else entirely. But we were talking about Bella. She was not your average human, this I was certain. Things that normal people would run away screaming from Bella would find beautiful. She would love them. Things like me. No, this situation was indeed "Bellaesque." But still to go to such lengths... She had a purpose. But what?

"Why?" I asked halting my movements and looking into Alice's pixie face.

"That's what me and Carlisle were hoping you could find out."

"What!?" I was shocked anger filled my every vein. "Bella wouldn't want to talk to me now. I left for so long without contacting her. I don't even know if I can be around humans anymore. I've… let my animalistic side go too far to rein it in so quickly." I was shaking my head frantically trying to think of any reason not to go back. "I can't Alice…I…I cant.." My head hung and I felt defeated. There was no way I could go back to see my sweet Bella…no when just the thought of smelling her aroma made my muscles coil. I couldn't. I wouldn't. It would be Biology all over again.

"Edward we don't have to go straight back." Some of the emotion was back in her voice as she took several precarious steps toward me. "Carlisle is here in Alaska. The whole family is."

"The whole family… is here?" The thought of seeing everyone's faces sent an involuntary warm feeling through my body, a glimmer of happiness that I felt like I'd never experience again. She nodded her head slowly. My brows furrowed at the next question I was about to ask, I wasn't sure whether or not I truly wanted to know the answer. "How long do we have?"

She froze, her foot mid-step. "A month."

"A month!?" I repeated the warmth leaving my body immediately. I had a month to re-civilize myself in order to save Bella. To see Bella. Hold her tightly in my arms. Kiss her forehead. Smell her scent. My heart swelled at the thought. "A month," I whispered.

"Yes Edward. But we need to go now." _Bella…_my mind said in amazement. But I would have to work hard in order to see her. I had to. "Edward." Alice was now rubbing my back soothingly. "You can do this," she said out loud. "_Ive seen it," _she finished in her head, showing me a vision of me humming my lullaby to her sleeping form. I smiled weakly, nodded once, and we were running.

Welp, I'm gonna stop here partially because I have NO idea what comes next and partially because my brain is burning haha! Thanks for the hits again readers.

_**-Pink Ribbon Scars**_


	4. The Butcher

I'm back at school now so updates may come a little slower than previous ones. Still not that many views on this story…hmm…maybe people just don't like dark themes..I promise it will get better though. This chapter is quite short.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Not Bellz, Edward, or any of the others. I'm merely just a person with ideas. SM is the creator. No lawsuits plz.

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**Chapter 3| The Butcher**

Dinner with Charlie went like all others have these past few days. We made light conversation and tried not to make too much eye contact. Charlie seemed to really enjoy the spaghetti and he made me take my pain medication in front of him. He was right to be concerned that I wouldn't take it because the truth is I wasn't going to. I enjoyed the pain. I deserved it. He went into his office and I did some laundry and thought about my next move, too fearful to return to my bedroom after the attack earlier.

How was I going to do this? While we we're at the hospital I had overheard the doctor talking to Charlie. He had said that what I had attempted was entirely impossible to do without the right tools. In order to get to my heart I would have to open my chest cavity which meant breaking some ribs. Alone the act would go horribly wrong and I would end up bleeding to death. I winced. That wasn't the way I wanted to go out, but could I really break my ribs open to get to my heart? What tools would I need? How much time would it take to bleed to death? I shook the idea out of my head and decided to think about it later when I heard a noise of disgust from Charlie's office.

"Dad?" I tottered over to the room, tripping on the edge of the carpet on the way. When I saw him he had a look of sheer horror on his face. His eyes wide, fearful, his hand tightly clasped over his mouth, his face pallid. I had seen that look once, the first time he had found me in the bathroom bleeding everywhere. That was the first attempt. He was staring at his computer, his head blocking the screen, and he was gagging. "What's wrong?" I asked walking over to him. He quickly hit the minimize button and whirled his chair around to face me.

"N-nothing Bellz," he stuttered, "just some p-pictures from a case. You don't need to worry about it." His color was returning but his eyes were still wide with trepidation. My heart started to hammer in my chest. What had he seen that would make him like this?

"You sure Dad because your face lo-"

"I'm sure Bella just…g-go back to doing whatever it was that you were doing." He cut me off and shooed me out of the room, locking the glass doors behind me. I turned back around and stared through the glass more. _That was weird. _I thought. _What would make Charlie do that? _I shrugged it off and headed for the living room deciding to watch TV since going to my room still wasn't an option.

Nothing but mindless sitcoms, music videos, and ridiculously movies with unfeasible plots were on so I opted for watching the news. I stared at the screen not really paying much attention when a story about a dismembered body came on. It was in Port Angeles and seemed interesting so I turned up the volume.

"The dismembered body parts of a college study, Tracey Birch, were found behind Gateway Tavern bar in Port Angeles earlier today," the TV blasted. "This has been the fifth body of what seems like a slew serial murders in the local area in the last month. " My eyes grew large as a scooted up to the edge of the couch cushion. "Found near the body was a note stating that the killings were just the beginning in what the notorious murder known as The Butcher has in mind. Authorities have been pursuing the crazed serial-murder for three years now without success."

I turned off the TV and stared blankly at the dark screen. _The Butcher…_I thought as a grim smile spread across my features. _Now there is my ticket to success._

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Yeah I know its short but I'm having serious writers block on this story. I think I need to find some new mood music. The next c hapter should be longer and come in the next three days. Please **Read & Review! **Thanks!

**_-Pink Ribbon Scars_**


	5. Authors Note!

Dear Readers,

About the next chapter: I'm sorry if anyone feels as though I am taking forever but I'm having serious writers block since I've been back at school. I'm going home this week and hopefully the calm atmosphere should help me write. Please do not be angry with me and thanks to anyone who is actually keeping up with this story.

_**-Pink Ribbon Scars.**_


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